Some people try to evaluate the success of the marital relationship by different measures. Some of them consider marriage successful if there are offspring and children, and some of them describe marriage as successful if the marital relationship lasts for many years.
However, many ignore an important criterion for determining the success or failure of this family relationship, which is psychological closeness. By this closeness, we mean that there is love, understanding, and points of meeting between the spouses. Where the absence of these feelings represents a severe deficiency in the relationship between the spouses, and some people who believe that the routine life and the performance of the duties of each of the spouses for which he is responsible are only enough to create such positive feelings between the spouses. Rather, one of them may feel distressed and frustrated if the other party demands more than that, and these people believe that the most important thing in the marital relationship is the interest in fulfilling the material demands of the family. In this way, he feels as if he has had enough and has fulfilled his conscience towards his family, and he sees from his point of view that he can live his life after that and enjoy his time the way he wants without any sense of guilt towards this family. Unfortunately, some of these Pictures exist between us, their owners persist in these behaviors, and ignore that there are other points of great importance that exist between couples.
For example, some couples believe that their marital life must continue because of the presence of children, and that they must bear everything in life because of the presence of children until they grow up and grow up, and after that he can make whatever decisions he wants and establish this marital relationship that may be full of With quarrels and quarrels.
I say to these
The negative effect of separation between spouses – Psychiatry – Psychotherapy
The presence of children is an important element for the establishment of marital life, but we cannot reduce marital and family life to become in the end in the form of a connection with the goal of the children, otherwise these children will turn into a heavy burden on the souls of the parents, but rather the first thing is that the children in the family are points of meeting between the spouses and each other. Children are a joint responsibility between the spouses, in which both the father and the mother play an important role in which the other cannot play most of the time. Therefore, happy couples are those who search for points in their lives that they can meet around, and through this meeting, positive feelings of understanding, affection and compassion occur. Increase the cohesion of the marital relationship
Some couples argue with each other that he does not want to talk to his partner about some issues, or that he does not want to involve him in solving some problems for fear of making him angry, or that he will burden him with what he cannot bear, or that he is afraid that he will get angry and revolt and this revolt will have other negative consequences, and I return to saying for those
We cannot separate sadness from joy, nor can we separate love from hate, nor can we believe that life is the same in all matters, but rather difference is mercy and difference in opinion enriches marital life, and there are no two in this world, no matter how close they are in many things in life, they can To agree in all matters of life.
Therefore, the respect of each of the spouses for the opinion of the other is an essential thing that increases the love and understanding between them, while if each of the spouses deliberately resolves his affairs by himself and does not involve his companion in life in his problems under any invitation from the lawsuits, then this separates them, and with time this gap that deepens. In some families, it may reach a state of psychological separation, where each party believes that he is responsible for his life, and with time he discovers that the points of convergence between him and his companion of life are shrinking little by little, and the worst thing is that the opposite happens by seeing that the points of difference between them increase with time, and this is logical. It is expected that this psychological divorce will occur between them, which is represented by his desire to possess one or both parties to lead the reins of his life by himself and to forget or to forget that married life, with what God has made in it of affection, mercy and a strong covenant, aims in its entirety to bring about a state of dissolution and integration that develops with time to become A legal bond that increases the convergence of the spouses.
The negative effect of separation between spouses – Psychiatry – Psychotherapy
Rather, married life is the crucible that melts all the feelings and advantages of life so that the spouses come out of it stronger than before. I do not say this as a courtesy or a description of a happy and healthy life. There is a difference between them and meeting, and they go through a long life together in which they deal with unified feelings to overcome their problems. Science has proven that after a period of years that exceed ten years, a kind of convergence occurs in the facial features between the two, and there becomes a face of resemblance between their faces, even if they were different in shape before marriage. . The explanation for this is simple, which is that the small facial muscles that define human features are formed according to the psychological state and mood of a person, whether from anger or joy, and therefore the couple who live in a state of harmonious marriage will reach this limit of similarity, but the couple who live in a state of psychological separation will not This similarity occurs between them, and this is an invitation and experience for every couple, for each husband to look at a female companion, so that he knows the extent of closeness and emotional understanding between them.
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By
Dr. Rasha Mahrous
Clinical Psychologist
